Thirteenth Stepping occurs when an old timer someone with one or more years of sobriety hits on or takes advantage of a newcomer someone with less than one year sober. Often, these relationships are dysfunctional, and many lead to relapse for one or both members. There is good reason for this. Until your recovery is firmly grounded, it needs to be your primary focus. Relationships can be distracting and all-consuming at a time when you need to focus on getting well. For this reason, they are vulnerable to exploitation.
The 13th Step in Recovery
By Heather B. I initially found AA roughly 20 years ago, filled with trepidation and with zero self-esteem. Much to my surprise, I had been diagnosed with drug-induced psychosis after seeking psychiatric help for what I thought was depression. I knew I was an alcoholic, but since drugs were the current problem, I went to NA. I was 30 years old and thin to the point of illness. Years of subsisting on crystal meth and nothing else — especially food and sleep — had taken a toll, but I was young enough to bounce back.
At 24, I had never been in a sober romantic relationship in my life. I had started drinking at 13, a year and a half before I started dating. By my first.
The church will be closed tomorrow, and the drunks are freaking out. An elderly lady in a prim white blouse has just delivered the bad news, with deep apologies: A major blizzard is scheduled to wallop Manhattan tonight, and up to a foot of snow will cover the ground by dawn. The church, located on the Upper West Side, can’t ask its staff to risk a dangerous commute. Unfortunately, that means it must cancel the Alcoholics Anonymous meeting held daily in the basement.
A worried murmur ripples through the room. She’s in rough shape, having emerged from a multiday alcohol-and-cocaine bender that morning.
Sorry To Break The Bad News: You Shouldn’t Date If You’re Newly Sober
CER’s AA Meeting Listing service lists English language AA meetings in the Continental European Region and its immediate surrounds on our website. Listing.
When we were in our addictions, the days of the year all blended together. We are fortunate in that this is no longer the case. Brian A. Every once in a while, those who attend step meetings may hear someone open a share by giving their sobriety date. There are men and women the world over who will not begin a share in AA or NA without mentioning this date, as it is one of the dates held dearest in their hearts.
At some meetings, it is even common to start with group introductions in which everyone gives their sobriety date. The other information given by people at such meetings may be subject to change; however, whenever introductions are given, you can almost count on the fact that sobriety dates will be included. There is a reason for this. Our sobriety date is one of the most important facts we share about ourselves in recovery.
Predatory Behavior Within the Fellowship
Women’s Recovery. Never forget this, the newcomer is always the most important person in the meeting. The original purpose of meetings of AA, and it says it directly in the book, is for newcomers to find and hear the message. We stay sober by helping the newcomer and, more often than not, the newcomer helps the old-timers more than they know.
At 24, I had never been in a sober romantic relationship in my life. I had started drinking at 13, a year and a half before I started dating. By my first date, I was smoking weed, too. We met at the local skating rink, joined our friends behind the building, and got high before we even went inside. Alcohol was my first love, though. It was also cheaper and easier to get. I had a large group of friends, and we all ended up dating each other at some point.
I had created quite a comfort zone for myself, one that I never really thought about ending until my freshman year in college. My core group was now scattered all over the country. So, I started over the only way I knew how, by drinking. I was spiking my coffee all day long just to get up the nerve to put myself out there so I could get to know people so that I could have a social life! Eventually, I ended up at my first AA meeting.
I was so dedicated to following the program and getting my life together. Dating was the last thing on my mind.
MYTHS IN AA
Posted by admin Oct 22, Blog , Personal Development 0. It was summer I was 25, and I had just picked up another newcomer chip. Got a sponsor.
This collection of Grapevine stories shows the many ways members use the Twelve Steps, sponsorship, and the tools of the program to improve and repair.
A t 23 years old, Asia Blackwood was the proud stay-at-home mother of three young children in a quaint Connecticut neighborhood. Day in and day out, she prepared snacks and watched with pride as her toddlers learned to share with each other while her husband worked. Life was picture perfect. She was often exhausted, and felt sad for no reason.
This listlessness and unhappiness made her feel guilty, since she had nothing to complain about. It lessened my depression and gave me more energy. During that time, she saw how unhappy her marriage was and divorced her husband. She met John not his real name , a recovering heroin addict, just weeks after her divorce and began dating him. John introduced her to a much cheaper alternative: heroin. She soon lost custody of her children and became homeless for a while, still shocked that her life was now about finding her next fix instead of fixing her kids dinner.
After a very dark year, she decided to make a change, dropped John, and started going to Alcoholics Anonymous. I was newly sober, clueless and craving love.
Old timers (AA members hitting on newcomers) . sick sick sick.
A sponsor is trying to have an affair with his sponsee. What do you think of this? Reply First and foremost, a sponsor should not begin a romantic or sexual relationship with the individual they are sponsoring.
1 AA Canada Meetings. Meeting every Wednesday, Friday and Sunday at 8PM EST. We will add more meetings if required. We are an audio/video meeting.
Myth 1: 90 meetings in 90 days. Not in our Big Book. Therefore not something the founders of our program suggested as part of the program of recovery. It may help some people but it is misleading, in that it suggests this action will help a still-suffering alcoholic recover and takes the focus off the 12 Steps. I have witnessed hundreds of members recover in 7 days or less by taking the Steps. Many have never gone to a single AA meeting, let alone Myth 2: Get a Sponsor.
The editorial staff of Rehabs. Our editors and medical reviewers have over a decade of cumulative experience in medical content editing and have reviewed thousands of pages for accuracy and relevance. Never having heard of it before, my interest was piqued: What is this lesser-known step and what exactly does it mean?
Former peer support group members attest to not-so-safe space that exposes recovering addicts to sexual harassment – and derails their.
Privacy Terms. The e-AA Group “Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Quick links. Can newcomers 13 step an old timer For recovery discussion. All the women I date are non-AA normies. I have never flirted with women in the rooms and I have no interest in dating women in AA. Recently I was at a fellowship dinner and a woman with 9 months sobriety sat next to me. I never really talked to her and barely noticed her in meetings. I was friendly with her and we had a conversation and I flirted with her.
In my mind I was harmlessly flirting like I would with a cashier at a cafe. She texted me the next day said that she was always attracted to me and that she wanted me her exact words. She then asked me if I wanted her. I also told her that I cannot do serious relationships.
Sober Dating: 4 Stories You NEED To Read
For some in 12 step programs, the 13th step is getting laid. Find me a woman who hasn’t been 13th stepped — successfully or unsuccessfully — and I’ll show you a post-menopausal nun or a tragic case of facial acne. Old-timers have been seducing newcomers ever since Bill Wilson started the tradition in the s. Since that time, Step 13 has been judged, disparaged, reviled… and perfected. We can talk program. I’ll drive.
During the past two decades, I’ve dated both men in recovery and men who weren’t alcoholics (called “normies” by us in the program). I’m.
Thus, 12 Step is part of patriarchal oppression, even if most members might not know what this means. The mainstream is becoming increasingly aware of the problem, and the more aware the mainstream, and hence newcomers to 12 Step are, the more difficult it is for old-timers to find easy victims, as these recent articles help to evince:.
One reason for the growing attention is the work of activists like Monica Richardson, mentioned in the below article on the controversial murder of Karla Brada, a newcomer who was beaten and murdered by her long-time 12 Step boyfriend:. Thus, women in 12 Step are more part of the problem than the solution. Similarly, the below articles are written from the perspective of women who believed 12 Step was a supportive community, and, therefore, tended to blame the victims of sexual predation.
The article below is one of the oldest, which again seems to suggest progress. Blaming victims remains the usual attitude in 12 Step.